We all know the situation: you're on a walk in the country side and you've got a bit lost. Your map tells you you'll be able to get back to civilisation by simply crossing the river and walking along a road for 100 meters. Sounds easy until you find out from a friendly old lady driving past that there aren't any river crossings for miles. She also mentions there is a weir going across the river in her back garden that you're welcome to cross.
You're now faced with a dilemma. Do you walk for miles and walk across a bridge in perfect safety or trust the old lady that it's possible to cross the weir (which, just to make things better, is rather high and fast at the moment) which would mean at best wet feet or at worst drowning, but making the walk home far shorter.
I, along with anyone else in the same situation, chose the weir. This is a brief guide on how to cross a weir in reasonable safety. Remember crossing weirs isn't recommended!
Before I begin with the guide lets talk a little about weirs. Weirs are designed to control the water level in a river, and act as a small dam. According to wikipedia there are various types which I won't go into but this guide shall be talking about broad-crested weirs. These have a level bit at the top which you can stand on. Most weirs are longer than the width of the river (wikipedia will explain why) so remember you'll be walking quite a long way.
Anyway, enough faffing about, lets get on with the guide. Just follow these few simple steps and you'll be across in no time:
1. Talk to old people first
Old people know all about local surroundings as they generally have nothing better to do with their time. This means they'll know if it's safe to cross the weir in question, what the current conditions are like and be able to give you useful tips. When I was in a weir crossing situation the old people were very friendly and very helpful although their useful tip of "make sure you can swim" was less than encouraging.
2. Try and find out if you're trespassing
It can be hard to tell who owns a weir so try and make sure you're not trespassing on anyone's land. You're progress will be severely hampered if you are shot half way across
3. Check where the weir ends
Because weirs don't go straight across the river they may not end where you think they will. They also don't go in straight lines all the time. They often go in semicircles (ish) which means you'll be walking a long way and not making much progress. The main thing to watch out for is whether or not you'll be able to get onto the bank onto the other side. It's all well and good getting safely across just to turn back because you've reached a sheer brick wall
4. Check there's a good place to walkWhen crossing the weir you walk across the top where the water is lowest. You need to make sure there is a suitable flat platform on the top to stand on. Try and keep your feet between the two red lines on the (high quality) diagram.
5. Look out for the edge!
The main purpose of weirs is to act as a mini dam. This means that there will probably be a drop at the edge of the weir (again, look at the diagram) into deeper water. Assuming you want to stay dry you need to keep looking where you're treading to make you don't tread onto deep water. This water will be calm so you probably won't drown if you fall in but nobody likes being wet.
6. Keep your shoes on
As much as you want to keep your feet dry it's definitely best to keep your shoes on because the weir will be slippery. The platform spends it's life underwater so there is a very high chance there will be weeds and other goop that will be trying to slip you up. Shoes will help. If you're wearing flip-flops then the weir will try its best to take these off your feet which can be interesting
7. Face the current
By standing so you're facing into the current you'll create less resistance against your feet so it'll be easier to move along. You probably won't be standing perpendicular to the weir. The angle the water flows over it depends on the design of the dam and you'll probably have to change the angle you're wading at as you move across. Be careful to keep checking the direction you're walking. You don't want to be walking off the edge of the weir. You'll probably be able to feel with your toes where the edge of the weir is and stay back from this
8. Slow and steady wins the race
Moving slowly and steadily is far less likely to throw you off balance than if you rush. It also means you get longer to appreciate the free wash your legs are getting
9. Take a big stick
This point should probably be further up the list but seeing as you're probably not reading this half way across a weir I can't be bothered to put it further up and faff with the numbering. If you take a big stick then you can test the depth of the water you're crossing. It's means you'll avoid suddenly stepping into empty water and help keep you dry. It also means you have a way of fighting off angry farmers on the other side after ignoring step 2.
10. Use your common sense
If there are obstructions you need to get round, get round them logically. If you need to move down a step on the weir try and hold onto something or someone and be careful. If the water's too deep or too fast then go back. You can always give up and walk to the bridge.
11. Fall forwards
If you are about to fall over and you can stop it try and fall forwards into the calm water behind the weir rather than into the turmoil below it. There are likely to be very strong currents at the bottom and even the strongest swimmers may get pulled under. The obvious solution is not to fall over.
12. Go straight to a restaurant afterwards
All your friends will appreciate you turning up to the meal you'd arranged to go to late and smelling of sweat and river. I know mine did! Wet trousers and feet and muddy hands are always welcomed by even the best restaurants. You'll even have a new dinner table anecdote about your newly found weir crossing skills.
Hopefully that will tell you everything you need to know about crossing a broad-crested weir. Remember to be careful and only wade across as a last resort (or second to last if it's a really long walk to the nearest bridge)
The author takes no responsibility for any injury caused by using this guide. It's meant for entertainment only and should be used with extreme caution, if at all. The reader is responsible for their own actions. Don't try and pin your cock ups on me!
